Getting An Award T-Shirts

"Oh look, how utterly ridiculous - you're on the honours list!"

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

Award Winning Gardener

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"I'm telling you, she's the best in her field."

Win - win

'Sure you won 'Contractor of the Decade' five times, McWit, but what have you done lately?'

Cat Show

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

"So that's where you were last night."

Alexander Fleming

Soccer coach of the year.

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'And now I'd like to name this month's recipient of the Dumbest Global E-mail Award...'

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

Zdeno Chara

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Employee of the month...

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

'I think it's really tacky to make the salesperson of the month someone from another firm.'

"Thank you, everyone: now I'd like to introduce all the folks who made this possible for me!"