Award Nomination Pillows

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

Award Winning Gardener

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

"So that's where you were last night."

Soccer coach of the year.

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

Zdeno Chara

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

May I have the envelope, please?

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Employee of the month...

'I think it's really tacky to make the salesperson of the month someone from another firm.'

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"