Germ-conscious Gurus Gifts

"Always give a good, firm handshake...then immediately sanitize your hands."

COVID 19

"That new antibiotic seems to be working. Time to evolve again."

'Oh, I dunno. hat would you like to evolve into?'

'Say, aren't those the same weeds that came up last year?'

'Take me to your weeder!'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"Cheer up, might never happen!"

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

John Snow

"Health advice does change over time, but I doubt if we'll EVER be recommending a diet of pizza and beer."

'Okay class, you can tell that this is a dogwood tree by its bark.'

Rule #1. Of what? HYPOCHONDRIACS HANDBOOK. A little passion project I'm working on; or, rather, I would be working on. I can't write or type wearing my protective anti-flu gear. Rule #1: Get some loser to take dictation for you. I hate where this is heading.

“There once was a woman who lived in a can of prebiotic soda… & only then did she consume enough to reap the health benefits claimed on the label.”

He was forced to take early retirement.

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

'Grow you son of a bitch!'

'I don't know what this is, but you should see how fast it's growing!'

'A giant killer macrophage! Doctor, this is madness!'

"I had to get the glass in my front window replaced. I've never known anyone with a more powerful sneeze than my dad!"

Rudy, do you remember when I experimented with genetically engineered produce? Yeah. And I created an enormous evil zucchini. Yep. Why? No reason. Do you have a 12-foot paring knife? Uh-oh. Huge carrot! Run!

'Whose job was it?'

'I'm exhausted. I've been grafting all day!'

'Why do I have to cover my mouth when I sneeze? After all, we're just making liver.'

F&E Nursery. Is it a special fertilizer just for mushrooms? The breakfast of champignons!

There's no reason to feel guilty - You're not the only vegetarian to get swine flu.

"How were the first few sips?"

'Dad tricked me when he said I could turn a new leaf.'

'Boy, it was a close shave: Thought I was a goner when that lawnmower passed over me...'

"Do you know how unsanitary double-dipping is?"

Swines

'Oh-oh -- they're having a big war over which one of us to worship!'

Microbe World

"Needs more Purell."

Hedgehog Trimmer