Geriatric Performer Gifts

"He's auditioning for a part in 'Conan The Octagenarian'."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Pirate

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Karataoke

Freddie Mercury

Do you have to play air guitar every time we sing?

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

Tina Turner

Jeff Beck.

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

Magic Tricks

Midsummer Night's Dream

Music Hall Dancers

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

'And the Dance Scholarship goes to...'

"Is Madonna amazing or what? She sings, dances, and acts, and now it turns out she's a writer, too."

Robbie Williams

'When Johhny told everyone he was going to be a comedian they all laughed...'

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

"I stand corrected. Hard as you try, sometimes you just can't find the humor in a situation."

'I'm sure I could lie on my back waving my feet in the air if I could play the saxophone.'

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

Tenors

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

Music

'Verily, we wuz robbed!'

Comedy, Tragedy, Karaoke

"He's got a great future behind him!"