Geriatric Performer Pillows

"He's auditioning for a part in 'Conan The Octagenarian'."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Pirate

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

Tina Turner

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

Magic Tricks

Midsummer Night's Dream

Music Hall Dancers

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

"I stand corrected. Hard as you try, sometimes you just can't find the humor in a situation."

'When Johhny told everyone he was going to be a comedian they all laughed...'

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

"Is Madonna amazing or what? She sings, dances, and acts, and now it turns out she's a writer, too."

'And the Dance Scholarship goes to...'

'I'm sure I could lie on my back waving my feet in the air if I could play the saxophone.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

THEATRICAL AGENCY, 'We have an opening to do some commercials - How'd you like to be the LEAST interesting man in the world?'

Tenors

'Verily, we wuz robbed!'

Comedy, Tragedy, Karaoke

'You're going to need a hip-hoperation.'

How to engage an audience

"He's got a great future behind him!"