Generic Guru Gifts

'It's a rare generic defect. To put it bluntly, you have no brand loyalty.'

Generic Products

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

Domestic Superheroes!!

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

Muscles

On the back of the t-shirt...

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

Homo Gamus

"All this spinning...shouldn't this be charging our phones or something?"

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

Exercise Class

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

At the 2021 Religious Games

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

Lioness Shops for Snacks.

Whack-a-molecule

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

What Harper Lee's REALLY been up to all these years

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

The trim reaper

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

"Wait, what are you doing?"

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Oh my god -- I can't believe it's real butter!"

Guru.

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

"I exercised so much during my first pregnancy that the baby was born with athlete's foot."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"After a long day at the office writing business software...Bob loves to relax writing game software."