Generic Guru T-Shirts

'It's a rare generic defect. To put it bluntly, you have no brand loyalty.'

Generic Products

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

Domestic Superheroes!!

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

'Every piece of equipment is hooked up to battery cells in the basement, and we actually sell electricity back to the power company!'

Muscles

On the back of the t-shirt...

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

Homo Gamus

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"All this spinning...shouldn't this be charging our phones or something?"

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

Exercise Class

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Lioness Shops for Snacks.

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Whack-a-molecule

What Harper Lee's REALLY been up to all these years

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

The trim reaper

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"I exercised so much during my first pregnancy that the baby was born with athlete's foot."

Kindergarten. Today; Simon Says. I don't know who this "Simon Says" is, but he could make a killing in product endorsements!

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

Only One Item or Fewer.

'What are you eating now?'