Guru T-Shirts

"Go ask your mother."

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

"...'heighted awareness' is on the next hill"

Bearded old man atop mountain.

'Yes, I can tell you the meaning of life, but then I would have to kill you.'

'The road to Nirvana: 'Am I there yet? Huh? Am I? Huh? Am I there yet? Huh?'

'Really? -- the hokey-pokey IS what it's all about?'

"Tell me the truth—have I ever made tea come out of your nose?"

"Why do you need my advice, my son? You're on top of the world!"

"Dear Bad-Karma, to assist you at this busy time, I've drawn up a list of people you may have missed."

'That's it? Listen to my mom?'

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

"You do the hokeypokey and you turn yourself around - that's what it's all about."

"But if I become one with the Universe, won't I get BLAMED for everything?"

'Becoming enlightened fifteen minutes before I did doesn't EITHER give you seniority!'

The Answer to Life.

'Living up here is the best I can afford -- I'm still paying alimony from three past lives!'

'What is the meaning of life?'

'We're supposed to be ascetic up here - A snack bar would defeat the purpose.'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

Cable Bill.

'I'm still working on the mystery of how to make a decent living with a tip jar.'

'Phew! What a day! I almost lost my aura of supreme tranquility.'

'Oh, he's pretty wise -- I clerked for him.'

"I will reveal to you the meaning of life only if you first help me get down from this damned mountain."

"You're not a goat person?"

A guru offers a fainting couch to a man.

"Everyone is different and everyone is the same."

"My advice would be to minimise all social contact."

"Hello there, Mulligan's pillows for better posture, let me leave you a brochure."

"Seriously?"

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

"Go ahead, I can listen and text."

"Hare the ignorance. Love the ignoramus."

'I've been up here for 27 years -- when do I get a desk job?'