Guru On The Go T-Shirts

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'It's great to get back to the simple life'

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Guru.

Kirsten Johnson

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

Den Furniture

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

OM, SWEET OM

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

Bearded old man atop mountain.

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

"As for the meaning of life, it doesn't have to suck."

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

First you say I should "know thyself" and then you tell me to extinguish my ego!

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

Just think of meditation as "mental floss." (Published previously on 3/17/2006.)

"I'm referring you to a specialist."

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'