Name Guru T-Shirts

I don't care if he was born on a record-breaking day, Dad, we're not naming him 'Nasdaq.'

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

You gotta hand it to the old man, he still knows how to motivate!

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Kirsten Johnson

'That may be what the wine glossary says, but to me, terroir means a fantatic view.'

Guru.

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'Since we all have to believe in something, I thought, 'Why not money?''

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

OM, SWEET OM

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

Bearded old man atop mountain.

Sport, Political, Religious and New Yorker Cartoonist Gurus.

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'

"I make money, therefore I am."

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

'See what happens when meditation isn't supervised?'

'Just be patient. Greed always makes a come back.'

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."