Name Numbers Guru T-Shirts

"We're still working out the numerology for a name."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Guru.

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

DNA Analysis.

'I would love to be more energetic, but there is nothing I can do: It's a genetic condition...'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

'I know it's hard to believe. But biological speaking, they're our closest relatives.'

'DNA...nature's bar code.'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"We have to make massive cuts so we can reduce debt... which will cut into growth which is needed so we can make massive cuts..."

OM, SWEET OM

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

'ADN'

Jerk Gene

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

'I find it harder and harder to get any work done with all the ethicists hanging around.'

Taken genetic engineering too far

"Some genetic engineers we turned out to be!"

Bearded old man atop mountain.

'If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it' actually a gene-modified flounder.'

"As for the meaning of life, it doesn't have to suck."

Just think of meditation as "mental floss." (Published previously on 3/17/2006.)

'I might even change my views on genetics research if scientists could genetically engineer supreme court appointees!'

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'