Generational Gap Ponderers Gifts

'They're not reliable.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

Kritik's Korner

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Tell me again, Grandpa, about how you let your freak flag fly."

'I'm doing a school report on 'the aging process,' Dad -- can I interview you?'

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

"Sadie, I just heard they discovered lots of ancient cities buried hundreds of years ago in the jungles of Cambodia. They've each got weird geometric patterns outlining what may have been gardens. But no one really knows what they were used for. I guess what I'm asking you is... what were they used for? Y'know, since you were there to see them in their prime. They were used for ritual sacrifices of dullards. For educational purposes, I shall now perform one."

"We added it just for the millenials."

Harold was pleased to discover that his grandson was also a big tool fan.

"When I was your age, all we had to know was how to wind."

"How come they remember every word of any pop song but not a single line of poetry?"

"I dooon't know this sooonngg. I'm just heeeere with my daaaaaughter and her frieeeends."

"My grandson said I was "woke" but I'm 90% certain I didn't even nod off"

Lemonade/Prune-aid

"We invented your hair."

"Never ask Dad about technology. He thinks a semiconductor is someone who leads the Boston Pops for half a year."

"A raise?! In my day, if we needed more money, we just borrowed it."

"Grandpa, what was it like living off the grid for most of your life?"

T-shirts read: 'Rock against racism' ; 'Classical against antisocial behaviour'

'I checked that birds and bees stuff on the internet, Dad -- it says you're full of baloney.'

"That's lovely, dear. Give me a heads-up when manners and intelligence get a little closer."

"Don't pay attention to my granddad. He's an old pilot and always calls us 'taildraggers.'"

"I'm glad you boys let me come along with you...it's nice to see how you kids live life! I mean, with youth on your side, I'm sure you live every moment to the fullest!"

"I'm working on texting my memoirs."

"It's bad enough my kids know more about computers than me, but I'm not taking this from YOU!"

"All of a sudden, everyone seems younger than I am."

"I don't know cursive and you don't know emoji. I'd say that makes us even."

"The trouble with children is they don't act like adults."

"Please—no technology questions!"

"You're a veteran, right grandpa? Maybe you can help me with my school report...what was General George Washington really like?"

The Crummiest Generation

"We didn't have these cushy escalators when I was a calf. No siree. We had to jump. And I still have the scars to prove it. Wanna see 'em?"

"K-pop... is that entertainment, a political movement, or a breakfast cereal?"