General Giggles Gifts

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

..and with our new spirit website you can keep in touch with all your dead friends!

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

'It was this big. I swear'

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"

'I can't hire you, but I can sell you some stock in the company.'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'I still say it was a mistake having the ceremony TOO close to his stag night!'

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

God asks an angel for change for a tower viewer.

Black Hole Corks

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

"Boy, I get booed everytime I perform here."

"You've done it, Martin - you've taught him to smile!"

Astronaut with his Space Dog.

"After analyzing the energy waves emitted by this pulsar near Andromeda, I believe we have an answer to the age old question: 'Where do jokes come from?'"

"Joe, you've got to stop singing 'Rocket Man.' Okay, how about 'Ground control to Major Tom'?"

"On what planet do you imagine this would be funny?"

Obscure Constellations

"It's boring up here. The moon just has no atmosphere."

"You're part of the NASA Space Program! Really? I've heard that lame pick-up line sooo many times..."

'Do you have any experience in wrongful-death cases?'

"Where's the Viagra?!" "Where's the fire escape?!"

Dr. McWit ponders the Big Bag theory for Creation of the Universe.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'