General Giggles Pillows

"Hey, dad. We wanna play army before we go to bed. Can we have our toy medals back?"

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

'It was this big. I swear'

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

..and with our new spirit website you can keep in touch with all your dead friends!

'I can't hire you, but I can sell you some stock in the company.'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

'I still say it was a mistake having the ceremony TOO close to his stag night!'

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

God asks an angel for change for a tower viewer.

Black Hole Corks

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

"That's what we look like naked??"

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

"Boy, I get booed everytime I perform here."

"After analyzing the energy waves emitted by this pulsar near Andromeda, I believe we have an answer to the age old question: 'Where do jokes come from?'"

"You've done it, Martin - you've taught him to smile!"

"Joe, you've got to stop singing 'Rocket Man.' Okay, how about 'Ground control to Major Tom'?"

Astronaut with his Space Dog.

'Which one's Ringo?'

"On what planet do you imagine this would be funny?"

Obscure Constellations

"Don't they have those gravitational waves at the leisure centre?"

"You're part of the NASA Space Program! Really? I've heard that lame pick-up line sooo many times..."

"It's boring up here. The moon just has no atmosphere."

'Do you have any experience in wrongful-death cases?'

Dr. McWit ponders the Big Bag theory for Creation of the Universe.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'