Galaxy Giggles Gifts

'It says here on your application that you were fired from your receptionist position for refusing to answer phones...well, thanks for applying! Bye now!'

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

Clown God

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

'Maybe a firewall isn't enough to protect our computer from worms and viruses. That's why I additionally installed this fence!'

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

Nethead strip: Speak binary

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

Cavemen Exhibit

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

God asks an angel for change for a tower viewer.

Black Hole Corks

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

'Whoops!'

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

When suddenly the clouds parted and down came Jeez, a god appalled by how his name is used in vain.

Astronaut with his Space Dog.

The Big A** Theory

"Joe, you've got to stop singing 'Rocket Man.' Okay, how about 'Ground control to Major Tom'?"

"After analyzing the energy waves emitted by this pulsar near Andromeda, I believe we have an answer to the age old question: 'Where do jokes come from?'"

The sudden extinction of prehistoric clowns explained.

Search for Extraterrestrial Life. Ernie is working on a theory that alien life forms avoid the Milky Way galaxy because they're lactose intolerant.

'They're evolving like mad -- You put in way too many cosmic rays!'

'Which one's Ringo?'

"It's from the IRS. They demand full disclosure of all treasures laid up here."

"On what planet do you imagine this would be funny?"

"It's boring up here. The moon just has no atmosphere."