Genealogy Giggler Pillows

"My ancestry test came back and I pretty much come from the same snow as you."

I don't like the look of that fish! Can I help it if it had ugly parents?

"I'm sorry, son. My father was bald, I'm bald and you're likely to be bald too."

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

Welsh airport arrivals.

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

'He's got your nose.'

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

Well, I'll be...Dutch Elm Disease!

"Ma didn't want to leave out anyone."

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

How Moms explain.

'I've turned into my mother.'

'I'm with the band.'

The best time capsules are our children.

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

When you said you were going to find your ancestors I thought you meant on the INTERNET!

Family Money - "I've been working on your family tree!"

"Your genes may be responsible for your way to going but I'm thinking that the four cheeseburgers you may have for breakfast might be a factor."

"Prepare yourself for a shock. The birth records reveal you have a twin brother."

Antcestry.com

'My husband's ancestors did come over on the Mayflower. The scraped them off the bottom of the boat.'

'I suppose you think you're better than your parents, mister I-Can-Walk-Upright?!'

"Everyone here is alive because I got laid."

"Lately, I've begun to understand - and forgive - my parents."

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

'Sorry, but I can't see a family resemblance...'

"This is your great-great-great grandfather Luis. He met your great-great-great-grandmother at the store where she worked. He was there to buy a lawn mower! She sold him a sheep. They hadn't invented law mowers."

"As if we didn't already know too much about ourselves, we're having our DNA done."

'Bad news I'm afraid...You've got the worst inheritence for a generation.'