Genealogy Jokester Pillows

"You're being let go. It's come to my attention that you have the laxy bastard gene"

'We've found your tree but your family are still living in it!'

'Why shouldn't I be obsessive-compulsive? My mother is obsessive, my father is compulsive.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

Raised by Dogs

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

Turn off your car stereo before trying to start your kid's car.

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

"Get me away from this crazy person..."

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

MUM! I'll take the dog for a walk!

"And try not to spill Daddy's Martini, Caleb."

"You think it's tough down there?"

"Young man! You turn the gravity back on this instant!!"

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

"Honey! What's wrong. . . Mommy get you a band-aid!"

'You want to hear me speaking my first word? I don't say anything without my lawyer, mister!'

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

Son to Father, "So dad, tell me, have you ever larged it!"

"Nice try Kevin, but you've put all your laundry into the dishwasher!"

"Oh, it's always something now he wants to become a vegetarian."

"Sure, my dad and my granddad and my granddad's dad were all domesticated. But that doesn't mean I have to be."

"Damn it, agree to whatever she demands. No matter what it takes, I want my mommy."

'But, Mom - I am watering the garden just like you told me!'

Mom $50 Pop $35

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

'A boy? Come on, Mom, you can do better than that!'