Gender Pioneer Gifts

"Human Resources wants to know if you still wish to identify with the gender on your birth certificate."

'I want to be the first female chairperson of my men's group.'

Eva K, trans-transgender..."I was a guy for a while, but I hated it. I'm back."

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I've just never worked anyplace where the 'alpha male' was a woman."

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'If no man is an island, then what the hell is no woman?'

'Same here, we have a female C.E.O., too.'

All Hail the Matriarchy

'You say you type 80 words a minute ... Actually, that's not at all important...!'

"Typical company, I'm the only woman!!"

"All those years of diversity training, seminars and research papers to shred the idea of male superiority....When all we really needed...was for them to train like the Lionesses for 20 minutes."

'It's not fair. Women doing the same job I'm doing in this office are being paid more than I am!'

His Hers Pers Vis Xyrs Hirs TBD

"And to think all these years you've worried about some boy wonder taking over your job."

'We used to be a patriarchy, but lately we've been more goddess-centric.'

'...she still can't manage a decent sports metaphor.'

'I don't get it, Victoria. . . why are men in control of everything?'

What must every 5 paragraph essay contain? 5 paragraphs! For the last 18 years, some wise guy says that as if no one's heard it before. Congratulations. Who was this year's Mr. Predictable? You're wrong, Mr. K. A girl said it. Wow! Another triumph for women's equality in my classroom.

'When you look at me do you see a woman or a senior partner?'

Men Win Again

Women of the Wilderness

"We don't pay you less because you're a woman.. we pay you less because we're men!"

'Oh yeah? Well, to hell with tradition. We're building a snow woman!'

"Just imagine what it must have been like living in a world dominated by misogynistic power crazed men. Men for whom women were objects to be pawed and leered at!"

'You want a nurse present? -- Are you discriminating against me because of my gender?'

"No, Mr. Kurlander, I don't have, nor have I ever had, a recipe for cranberry muffins."

Tucker Ratings Gold

"It's all significantly less impressive once you realize these guys had free child care."

'Yes, it has the organs of both sexes. . . a penis and a brain.'

"You'll go far...you think like a man..."

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

"But we've been interviewing like this for years...why would we want to change now?"