Gear-loving Athlete Gifts

"I have my knee braces, ankle braces, wrist bands...did I forget anything?"

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'Top of the line sport shoes: They've improved my top speed by 0.5 kmh...'

Deregulated Baseball

I can record our game. Big deal. Mine can get everyone's stats plus find sales on bats and gloves. Wow! It does everything! Teddy! Except catch the ball. Isn't there an app for that?

I love tennis

'You're never going to win any race in those platform shoes.'

'I like to stay fit. Or at least wear a lot of lycra.'

'Hefner is thinking about the off season already.'

"Apparently, the golf clothes and expensive golf clubs didn't help you play better."

Preparing for Dating Opportunities in 2020

'This must be the work clothes section.'

Look sharp, women! We're shooting video of our game. I hope it shows our huge victory! Goose! It's for seniors to send to college hockey recruiters. So? It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you look playing the game!

'Six hundred dollars! That's ridiculous! I could buy a new driver with that kind of money!'

A Muscle checking out some shirts made for Muscles

'Why didn't you stop it?' - 'I didn't want to get my new gloves dirty.'

"...and, as well as your salary, you will be eligible for company transport - a pair of our latest running shoes."

Chav a Merry Christmas

'The sport's still a mystery to me. I just found out that I look great in uniform.'

'The used to be 'slippers', but now they're 'shoes for watching sports on TV'!'

'I always wanted to sleep with the star of the game.'

"i'm still trying to determine if he's starte an adult education class or is in a long slow decline."

Inactive wear

"It's not a bike jersey - they're tattoos."

'They're for a friend.'

"This is an intervention. We feel you have an addiction to buying bowling equipment."

Tennis Cosmetic Surgery.

'Reebok, Adidas or Nike - It's a tough one isn't it, people'

'I play a lot of sports.'

'How did the first game go?' - 'I hit a ball in one.'

"Despite what you read on social media, no, I'm not required by law to wear a jockstrap."

'I don't care how much they're paying you to endorse their shoes. Get rid of them!'

"Oh no, sweetie. I don't play. I just want to look like I do."

'I don't care if your parents can't afford proper ones,you're not boxing in oven gloves!'

I have to wear it ever since my stupid brother flew into that window.