Sports Gear Enthusiast Gifts

'They're for a friend.'

'Got any other form of ID?'

"Despite what you read on social media, no, I'm not required by law to wear a jockstrap."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

Football Chameleon

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

If nobody had invented graphics

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

Monica Seles

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Saving a Heart

Gary turns 40.

"How should we divide the teams?"

Raheem Sterling

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

A day at the transgenic races

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

A married couple share the same pole vault.

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

Ratminton

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.