Gastropub Goer Gifts

"We call it 'dish' of the day, but it's actually served on a plank of wood."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'A cheeky red?'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

"It feels good to unwind..."

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

I love Cannelloni

"What other tricks does he need?"

"So you're anthropomorphic too? It's a small world."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Shall I let them breathe."

Trilby - 'Bonjour, Suzon!'

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

'A rose tattoo for your lady friend sir?...' A female Tattooist offering a rose tattoo, in the way of the old Rose Ladies in clubs and pubs

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

'Shortly you will be running for your life. I wouldn't order dessert.'

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'

Dog Bar with Toilets.

'Your pizza will be out in a few minutes. Tony's looking for a ladder to get it off the ceiling.'

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

"I stand corrected. Hard as you try, sometimes you just can't find the humor in a situation."

"...And would sir care to kill the rabbit himself?"

'All this talk about a consumer society... I don't buy it.'

"That guy I just met is already texting me pictures of his plumage."

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

'Physical or Social Science?'

'Sorry... We don't serve food here.'