Gastropub Goer Gifts

"We call it 'dish' of the day, but it's actually served on a plank of wood."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'A cheeky red?'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

"It feels good to unwind..."

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

I love Cannelloni

"What other tricks does he need?"

"So you're anthropomorphic too? It's a small world."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

Trilby - 'Bonjour, Suzon!'

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

"Shall I let them breathe."

'A rose tattoo for your lady friend sir?...' A female Tattooist offering a rose tattoo, in the way of the old Rose Ladies in clubs and pubs

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

'Shortly you will be running for your life. I wouldn't order dessert.'

'Your pizza will be out in a few minutes. Tony's looking for a ladder to get it off the ceiling.'

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'

'All this talk about a consumer society... I don't buy it.'

"I stand corrected. Hard as you try, sometimes you just can't find the humor in a situation."

"...And would sir care to kill the rabbit himself?"

Dog Bar with Toilets.

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

"That guy I just met is already texting me pictures of his plumage."

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

'Why, yes, I remember you. May I suggest an undrinkable pinot grigio that goes well with a bad tip?'

'Physical or Social Science?'

'Sorry... We don't serve food here.'

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'