Cafe Goer Gifts

"I always order the venti, 'for tomorrow we may die'."

"I'm meeting with Thor for drinks. He doesn't zoom.

"The barista was fast, but it took me 15 minutes to figure out the menu."

"Builder's tea? Due to an unforeseen rise in material costs, that'll be £22.40."

"When you say everything is 'Wicked good' it feels like you're patronizing us."

Banana Split

He had wandered into the wrong cartoon again.

'At the Spoonerism cafe...' 'Ah - here comes my carrots and peas.'

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

Café de la Communication.

"A year nowhere near Provence."

These e-readers are totally unsatisfying. Because you can't see what someone is reading? Precisely. With paper books, you can see that someone sitting at the cafe is reading a stupid romance or a mindless thriller. You can walk by them, hold up your copy of 1984 or some Marshall McLuhan essay, and let out a condescending snort. Which reminds me, you know that McLuhan would say about all this media? I tuned out three panels ago.

Hot chocolate. Huh? What? Uh, sure. What's the matter? Are you sad? You look sad. No, no. I'm fine. Hot chocolate coming up. Oh, okay. I'm definitely not sad. How come adults won't say when they're sad? I am the opposite of sad.

Roast beef sandwich, peppermint tea and don't wake me until 2:30. Lunch makes me sleepy. I will not read Dr. Seuss! Move the register so I can lie down.

If you don't give me a free hot chocolate, you're probably not a patriot. #$%* Fox News.

I know why you're such a greedy, heartless scrooge, Armstrong. It's because deep down, you just want to be loved. But you're afraid of rejection, so you make yourself as unlovable as possible. That's the type of utter nonsense to expect from muscle-bound oaf who hadn't paid his tab in 13 years. I love you too, man. I hope you get audited.

Howdy pardner. Ummmm

What's that annoying sound? BEEEP. I've figured it out! I lost one of my cell phones. It's somewhere in the caf

A sign outside a bookstore reads: "Meet the people in the bookstore cafe staring at their laptops 2-4 p.m."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

'A cheeky red?'

'Do you have any catsup?'

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

Today's special... donuts.

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'Well, now we know why Dracula's been getting all the girls lately.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

Non-Power Breakfast

I love Cannelloni