Cafe Goer Gifts

"I always order the venti, 'for tomorrow we may die'."

"The barista was fast, but it took me 15 minutes to figure out the menu."

"When you say everything is 'Wicked good' it feels like you're patronizing us."

Banana Split

He had wandered into the wrong cartoon again.

'At the Spoonerism cafe...' 'Ah - here comes my carrots and peas.'

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

Café de la Communication.

A sign outside a bookstore reads: "Meet the people in the bookstore cafe staring at their laptops 2-4 p.m."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

'A cheeky red?'

'Do you have any catsup?'

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

Today's special... donuts.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'Well, now we know why Dracula's been getting all the girls lately.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

Non-Power Breakfast

I love Cannelloni

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

'Ignore it! It's just some of the local kids trying to get in for free.'

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

'Shortly you will be running for your life. I wouldn't order dessert.'

'A rose tattoo for your lady friend sir?...' A female Tattooist offering a rose tattoo, in the way of the old Rose Ladies in clubs and pubs

Trilby - 'Bonjour, Suzon!'

"Shall I let them breathe."

"You know why they make these straws so big? It's a scam to make you drink fast so you can finish quicker and order more."

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."