Gastroenterology Gifts

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

The Stand-Up Gastroenterologist

Counting ribs

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"Tour de Frank"

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'This is the fun part...waiting to find out just what we've ordered.

"How's the salmon?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

"Please don't kill me."

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

60 minute wait for a table, 15 minute wait for a server, 40 minutes for teh appetizers...

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

"I'm unable to process this image."

Irritable Vowel Syndrome: "EEEIIIOOOAAA AUUUEEE!!"

Happy hour.

'You don't need a colonoscopy, but I'm sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don't like you.'

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

In-House Entertainment Consists Of Man Riding Pizza Cutter Cutting Giant Pizza While Making a Pizza

'Maybe we shouldn't show how sausage and foie gras are made on the same day.'

'Are you sure you don't have any Indian blood?.'

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."