Gastroenterology Pillows

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

The Stand-Up Gastroenterologist

Counting ribs

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"Tour de Frank"

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'This is the fun part...waiting to find out just what we've ordered.

"How's the salmon?"

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

"Please don't kill me."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

60 minute wait for a table, 15 minute wait for a server, 40 minutes for teh appetizers...

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I'm unable to process this image."

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

Happy hour.

Irritable Vowel Syndrome: "EEEIIIOOOAAA AUUUEEE!!"

'You don't need a colonoscopy, but I'm sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don't like you.'

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

In-House Entertainment Consists Of Man Riding Pizza Cutter Cutting Giant Pizza While Making a Pizza

'Maybe we shouldn't show how sausage and foie gras are made on the same day.'

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

"I want to set the world record for eating the most empanadas ever!"

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."