Gastroenterologists Gifts

"I'm afraid that your irritable bowel syndrome has progressed. You now have furious and vindictive bowel syndrome."

'It's not our wine list. It's a list of gastroenterologists.'

Counting ribs

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

Robotic Man

A day at the transgenic races

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'This is the fun part...waiting to find out just what we've ordered.

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"How's the salmon?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"Please don't kill me."

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"We would like to be genetically modified to taste like Brussels sprouts."

"Just a harmless little genetic experiment," they said. Yeah, right...

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

60 minute wait for a table, 15 minute wait for a server, 40 minutes for teh appetizers...

Irritable Vowel Syndrome: "EEEIIIOOOAAA AUUUEEE!!"

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

Happy hour.

"I'm unable to process this image."

'You don't need a colonoscopy, but I'm sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don't like you.'

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

In-House Entertainment Consists Of Man Riding Pizza Cutter Cutting Giant Pizza While Making a Pizza