Digestive System Enthusiast Gifts

Unfortunately what happens in the cow's digestional tract doesn't stay in the cow's digestional tract!

"Tour de Frank"

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Curse my curiosity and four stomachs!

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

Friendly bacteria

"Harold, it's good you listen to your body, but must I listen to it too?"

You might want to cut back on the probiotics.

'What colour is a hiccup?'

"Sir, do you have any idea how slow you were going?"

"There's 20 billion of us crammed into our capsule world, who's for burrowing south to freedom?"

Napoleon Blownafart

Couple in restaurant, "Sorry it's slow, Chef's got the runs"

Capturing a Cook

Endangered Feces: Prune Juice

'Why is it that laxatives always look like crap going in?'

"He's very proud of his stomach's 'good bacteria'."

'I warned you to stop snarfing down the free samples!'

Gastro Gnomes

"Burp! Burp! Burp! Burp! We have four stomachs you see."

Before consuming as directed, Millennial Alice needed assurance that they would not disturb her gut health.

'I think I may need a stool softener. . .'

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

'You wouldn't get these stomach aches if you chewed your food properly.'

'Your problem is keeping things down. I want you to take this one pill four times a day.'

'I've been a flatulence analyst for 15 years. . . I'll quit when it stops being fun. . .'

'I have a friend who says his business has never been better. . . but then, he's a gastroenterologist!'

"Bad! He recommends both bran and prune juice!!"

"It may be just a simple tomato bisque, but just wait for the roaring and turbulent excitement in your bowels an hour from now."

Antacid rain

'That's weird, I don't recall a gerbal the last time we were here!'

"Did the Doctor give you anything for your wind?"

'I find people take longer to digest these days.'

'Oh, Ed's in a VERY contrary mood today. I'm buying probiotics, so he's over there buying antibiotics.'

Aisle 2: Stuff to help you crap.