Digestive System Aficionados Gifts

'Good-bye gum, you've been a great friend these last seven years.'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"Honey, this is serious, we need to text."

"Sorry Sir, but what exactly were you expecting to be served when you ordered the 'early bird special'."

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

'Know something? Love IS wonderful!'

"It's the kind of trade you get in a twenty-four-hour-a-day joint."

"Harold, it's good you listen to your body, but must I listen to it too?"

'Mind that molar, careful of that canine...'

'What colour is a hiccup?'

How We Know You're Getting Old

"There's 20 billion of us crammed into our capsule world, who's for burrowing south to freedom?"

All our meals digest easily forming a soft, mushy stool with just a hint of acridity.

Napoleon Blownafart

Couple in restaurant, "Sorry it's slow, Chef's got the runs"

Capturing a Cook

'Was that you?'

Gastro Gnomes

Unfortunately what happens in the cow's digestional tract doesn't stay in the cow's digestional tract!

"By golly, this tastes just like Mom used to make...she couldn't cook either!"

"Burp! Burp! Burp! Burp! We have four stomachs you see."

"They won't grind fresh pepper here, but they'll open your can of soup right at the table!"

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

'I've been a flatulence analyst for 15 years. . . I'll quit when it stops being fun. . .'

'I have a friend who says his business has never been better. . . but then, he's a gastroenterologist!'

"Bad! He recommends both bran and prune juice!!"

Antacid rain

Leave it to Boomer

Thousands of people gathered today to protest the nation's laws on marijuana, when suddenly everybody lost interest and ended up in a local Denny's.

'That's weird, I don't recall a gerbal the last time we were here!'

'I find people take longer to digest these days.'

"Salt mill?"

'You don't expect to find one of those in a sand-pit!'