Gastroenteric Adventurer T-Shirts

"It may be just a simple tomato bisque, but just wait for the roaring and turbulent excitement in your bowels an hour from now."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Upon entering the rain forest...' 'Thousands of unknown species, and we can fool around with the genes of every one of them.'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Holiday Supplies

Garlic Free Zone.

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

I made you a cake!

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

Anti-inflammation recipes

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"I'm unable to process this image."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

'The cake timer dinged, Mom, and so did my stomach.'

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

The Inexperienced Cook