Gastric Adventurer T-Shirts

'A table near the wine steward, please.'

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"First cook the cake, then apply icing sugar and candles..."

Try to guess the continent dining...

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Before/After

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Garlic Free Zone.

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

Holiday Supplies

I wish I'd had the review.

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

I made you a cake!

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"I think the 'Exotic Recipe' diet will make me lose weight. I'm running all over town trying to find the ingredients!"

'The cake timer dinged, Mom, and so did my stomach.'

Anti-inflammation recipes

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

Junior Masterchef - "Darren Smith and I'll be cooking chicken nuggets with Mars bars in a CocaCola sauce"

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

The Inexperienced Cook

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"We can hit any creperie you want, sonny boy."