Gastric Journeyer T-Shirts

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

Holiday Supplies

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

Platter confusion.

"We can hit any creperie you want, sonny boy."

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

Picasso

"It's a combination of pizza and sushi and taco and egg roll and...it's just something everyone loves."

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

'Order fast, folks - the prices have an expiration date.'

Decaying corpse

"Would you like the Death by Chocolate, Cheesecake, Brownie, Fudge, or just peacefully while you sleep?"

'How do you guys want your trans fatty acids prepared?'

'Who orderes the roasted chicken plate and who ordered the soup?'

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.