Gastric Journeyer Gifts

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"Looks like those folks from 'civilization' are back!"

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Holiday Supplies

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

Platter confusion.

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

"We can hit any creperie you want, sonny boy."

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

"It's a combination of pizza and sushi and taco and egg roll and...it's just something everyone loves."

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

Picasso

"Would you like the Death by Chocolate, Cheesecake, Brownie, Fudge, or just peacefully while you sleep?"

Decaying corpse

'Order fast, folks - the prices have an expiration date.'

'How do you guys want your trans fatty acids prepared?'

'Who orderes the roasted chicken plate and who ordered the soup?'