Garage Humorist Gifts

'We've found the problem...'

'I never promised you wealth from this job. I said you would take rags to Rich's.'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Life after death

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

'Flowers? From a garage? You're a darling!'

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

Magic Act

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

'Beware of SUV.'

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

A dead business executive is lowered into the grave with his desk

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'It's only a slug Norman.'

"When is it time to stop smelling the roses and suck up the nectar?"

'What if your tree grows, Burl? Won't it choke to death?'

Stop the big guy!

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'We want the garden to be stamped with my husband's personality.'

Crazy paving company.

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

God builds the first lawn mower.

'Just so you know, leaning on a rake and looking at the sky is not 'yard work', and thus may not be entered into your 'I do so help around the house' defense.'

"It's not that I dislike being dead. It's just that death is for dead guys, you know..." Woody Allen dies, but his body keeps talking and talking and talking.