Garage Humorist Pillows

'We've found the problem...'

'I'm giving mostly gift certificates this year, so I wrap them with junk from the garage to throw people off track.'

"Your brake pads are worn through, but that can wait. It's your cup holders I'm worried about."

'I never promised you wealth from this job. I said you would take rags to Rich's.'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Life after death

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

'Flowers? From a garage? You're a darling!'

Magic Act

I think we should stick to doing this with a piano.

'It's a Volksvegan...it runs on vegetable oil!'

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

'Beware of SUV.'

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

A dead business executive is lowered into the grave with his desk

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'It's only a slug Norman.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'What if your tree grows, Burl? Won't it choke to death?'

Crazy paving company.

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

'Just so you know, leaning on a rake and looking at the sky is not 'yard work', and thus may not be entered into your 'I do so help around the house' defense.'

God builds the first lawn mower.

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.

'We want the garden to be stamped with my husband's personality.'