Gallery Scene Spectator Gifts

'Note his bold brush strokes, Fred...'

Larry's used art

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

"I AM at my usual position."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

"Well....I could've done this!"

'Projectile painting.'

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

"His mother had a great influence on him. She always made him eat his fruits and vegetables."

'I had no idea Ikea had been around so long.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

Children's Art Show.

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

Rodin's Browser

Cats at private view

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

"A wise choice sir! Aah. . . Da Vinci - a genius of the Renaissance and a man who changed the face of art forever! Would you like that as a bookmark, a pencil sharpener or a fridge magnet. . . ?"

The Epsom Derby - The Finishing Line

'It's not easy painting hummingbirds.'

Baby vandalizes an art gallery.

Beer Order

'Hey, hey, hey!'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

Rodin's Cattle-Grid

I love Museum Shops

I painted them all from memory.

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'