Gag Gift Fan Pillows

'I think he wants you to be quiet!'

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

Dog retrieves slippers instead of birds.

"And when the extended warranty kicks in, we send you a big can of new car smell."

Emergency Underpants

Hey, I think I found something. Heavy metal detector.

Jesus meets the 'Little Drummer Boy' again later in life...

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

What's really in junk food...

"The size of your kidney stones are stupendous - they're kidney boulders!"

"Take us to your breeder!"

"Excuse me."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'No swimming. No breathing.'

Bubble Gum Farms.

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

The Age of Reptiles. . .

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'

Oh yeh? Well at least he doesn't get fleas.

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

'Tell your mom you coughed it up and you're guaranteed a day off from school.'

'Yes, it's just a little volume.'

Clown's Cuckoo Clock.

Good Dentist ~ Bad Dentist

Wind turbine and leaf blower.

I always forget - Are we supposed to tip?

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

"Teenagers! Everyone try to look cool!"

Lavatory Waterfall

Never give a cow a giant straw.

'You should work for Conglomo. You're allowed the vegetable of your choice.'