Future Son-in-law Gifts

'It's strange that you should ask for my daughter's hand. Only this morning she told me she wants to give you the elbow.'

'Are you sure you want to marry my daughter? -- I can make you a much better deal on my WIFE.'

'I'm here to request your daughter's hand in marriage, sir, and ten bucks for the marriage license.'

"So you want to marry my daughter...can you ever feed a family, young man?"

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

"Feel free to take notes."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

'I'm not saying your mother is senile but she just vacuum bagged the cat!'

If Dr. Chan has a schoolteacher husband, a diabetic mother-in-law, twins in preschool, and a daughter who stays with her father across town on alternate weekends, and one twin and the daughter have colds, how many free rapid COVID tests are required to alleviate Dr. Chan's breaking-point levels of despair?

"My daughter tells me you want to become a doctor."

“I have to warn you - my parents are a bit old-fashioned.”

"I appreciate that you brought me to 'Take our daughters to work day' all those years ago, dad, but I still have to let you go!"

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

"One day son, all this will be run by robots."

"We located the hissing noise, Mr. Watkins. Your wife's mother is in the back seat."

'Come and get it!'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'See, Dear? Told you I'd make it fit!'

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

"A little required reading before your G7 summit."

Mr Tom Noddy's First Day With the Hounds Pt. 4

Bishops Snooker

"Remember, if we get split up, take the A to 42nd, transfer to the Brooklyn bound 2, get off at Eastern parkway and buy a ticket for the Brooklyn Museum and make sure to tell them you're under three."