Future Brother-in-law Gifts

Genial youth talking to his sister's fiancée

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

'I'm not saying your mother is senile but she just vacuum bagged the cat!'

“I have to warn you - my parents are a bit old-fashioned.”

"My daughter tells me you want to become a doctor."

"We located the hissing noise, Mr. Watkins. Your wife's mother is in the back seat."

"One day son, all this will be run by robots."

'Come and get it!'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

Mr Tom Noddy's First Day With the Hounds Pt. 4

"Remember, if we get split up, take the A to 42nd, transfer to the Brooklyn bound 2, get off at Eastern parkway and buy a ticket for the Brooklyn Museum and make sure to tell them you're under three."

Bishops Snooker

'See, Dear? Told you I'd make it fit!'

Stockwell's day

"A little required reading before your G7 summit."

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

Father and son with matching beer crates.

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'He Will!'

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

'He just outlawed his in-laws.'

"You're way too strong Dad: You've overshot the green by about two hundred metres..."

"If it slows down, just ask my father about the murder he always swears he did not commit."

'Mr Sims, in honor of your portfolio, we're flying our flag at half-mast.'