Potential Son-in-law Gifts

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

"My wife and I both agree you're the perfect catch for our daughter."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

"Feel free to take notes."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

'I'm not saying your mother is senile but she just vacuum bagged the cat!'

"I appreciate that you brought me to 'Take our daughters to work day' all those years ago, dad, but I still have to let you go!"

“I have to warn you - my parents are a bit old-fashioned.”

If Dr. Chan has a schoolteacher husband, a diabetic mother-in-law, twins in preschool, and a daughter who stays with her father across town on alternate weekends, and one twin and the daughter have colds, how many free rapid COVID tests are required to alleviate Dr. Chan's breaking-point levels of despair?

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

"My daughter tells me you want to become a doctor."

"You may be in love, but can you support my daughter on what a herring makes?"

"One day son, all this will be run by robots."

"We located the hissing noise, Mr. Watkins. Your wife's mother is in the back seat."

'Come and get it!'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'See, Dear? Told you I'd make it fit!'

"Remember, if we get split up, take the A to 42nd, transfer to the Brooklyn bound 2, get off at Eastern parkway and buy a ticket for the Brooklyn Museum and make sure to tell them you're under three."

Stockwell's day

"A little required reading before your G7 summit."

Father and son with matching beer crates.

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

First Steps

Mr Tom Noddy's First Day With the Hounds Pt. 4