Parent-in-law Gifts

"Feel free to take notes."

"I hope your parents appreciate the effort I make to get dressed and leave the house."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"This is our most difficult escape room. In here, you're a mother of 4 unruly children, tons of overdue bills and a lazy husband."

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

'I'm not saying your mother is senile but she just vacuum bagged the cat!'

"I appreciate that you brought me to 'Take our daughters to work day' all those years ago, dad, but I still have to let you go!"

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

If Dr. Chan has a schoolteacher husband, a diabetic mother-in-law, twins in preschool, and a daughter who stays with her father across town on alternate weekends, and one twin and the daughter have colds, how many free rapid COVID tests are required to alleviate Dr. Chan's breaking-point levels of despair?

“I have to warn you - my parents are a bit old-fashioned.”

Changes at home

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

"My daughter tells me you want to become a doctor."

"You may be in love, but can you support my daughter on what a herring makes?"

"We located the hissing noise, Mr. Watkins. Your wife's mother is in the back seat."

"One day son, all this will be run by robots."

'Come and get it!'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'See, Dear? Told you I'd make it fit!'

Stockwell's day