Mom-in-law Gifts

"Let's see if mom likes that super comfortable yoga mat we bought her."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

"Feel free to take notes."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"This is our most difficult escape room. In here, you're a mother of 4 unruly children, tons of overdue bills and a lazy husband."

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

'I'm not saying your mother is senile but she just vacuum bagged the cat!'

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

Changes at home

"I appreciate that you brought me to 'Take our daughters to work day' all those years ago, dad, but I still have to let you go!"

“I have to warn you - my parents are a bit old-fashioned.”

It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother. Why's that? House of Java .Net Cybercafe. Because how a man treats his mother is a good indicator of how he'll treat a girlfriend. That's why I created an app that calls your phone and displays a photo of you hugging your mom whenever a gorgeous lady is within three feet of you. It also displays a nice, sweet lady whenever you're within three feet of your mom.

If Dr. Chan has a schoolteacher husband, a diabetic mother-in-law, twins in preschool, and a daughter who stays with her father across town on alternate weekends, and one twin and the daughter have colds, how many free rapid COVID tests are required to alleviate Dr. Chan's breaking-point levels of despair?

"You may be in love, but can you support my daughter on what a herring makes?"

"One day son, all this will be run by robots."

"We located the hissing noise, Mr. Watkins. Your wife's mother is in the back seat."

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

'Come and get it!'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

The Housewife

'See, Dear? Told you I'd make it fit!'

"Remember, if we get split up, take the A to 42nd, transfer to the Brooklyn bound 2, get off at Eastern parkway and buy a ticket for the Brooklyn Museum and make sure to tell them you're under three."