In-laws Gifts

"We've changed our minds. We do want to be a burden to you."

'Empty-nesters. They're hoping to sell before the flock tries to move back in.'

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

"Of course, we got married in Italy in '59, so even though we have no symptoms our son in law thinks it's safest to cancel our annual family visit."

"They say we can go there for Thanksgiving or they can cut us out of the will. Our choice,"

"We're spending Christmas with our grandparents in the Land of Forced Smiles."

Bagpipes for hire...fast relief from neighbors,in-laws,debtors and Hare Krishnas.

"Your entire family has the flu, and they won't be coming home for Christmas!"

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

"He's giggling to himself. Get ready for a dad joke."

It'll be nice to see your mother after all these years!

"Now, remember...don't tell Daddy you designed the software he uses at work... I want him to get to know you first!"

Jack's first meeting with Melanie's parents, suddenly turned awkward.

How human migration got started.

'The house is fine, I want to send my mother in-law back home.'

"Why do we need a bigger house. Your folks can barely afford this one."

Clancy: Brothers-in-Law

"Whisky? Have you got anything stronger?"

"Owing to an impetuous act of your Great-Great-Aunt Pumpkin's, we now have owls in the family."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"My family never went in for therapy but then my family wasn't nuts."

"I thought you'd take up something like gardening in your retirement, not parkour."

"My relatives are unable to visit this Christmas."

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"Remember, my family is based on a true story."

"FYI, I think I only have about an hour of polite in me."

'Just remember...if we get married, we're gonna have four parents!'

For Hire: Fast Relief from....

'You knew I came with a set.'

Worst Jumper From the Mother-In-Law Competition.

'I refuse to commit all afternoon at your mother's without a viable exit strategy.'

"You said this would all change once we got our own place."

Ulcer Clinic, Peptic, Duodenal, In-Laws.

Hiding from unwanted visitors.

Family therapy clinic - Joke do jour: What's the difference between an inlaw and an outlaw? An outlaw is always wanted."