Future Screenwriter Gifts

"Wait till to meet him, Mom! He reads books, has a checking account, and can even write script!"

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

I should be a writer when I grow up...

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Showbiz Awards

The Ray Bradbury classic, 'The Car Alarm.'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Herman Mankiewicz

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"Not to be a motion picture - will remain just a book'

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'This should be perfect. The main characters fall in love during a series of explosions.'

Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

'Okay, folks, that's a wrap!'

Stand-up Romcom

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

"Can you believe you left your job and family to search for this key, and it was under here the whole time?"

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."