Future-planning Skeptic Gifts

"Dad, I took the money out of my college fund, but I decided not to go to college."

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

Worry tank

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

"At least, everybody's agreed about the next summit's name!"

The Porkypine Pals - Moon Business

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

Twenty Blades Razor

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

'They did it again - not a word in the weather report about an ice age.'

I'm sorry, but I have to let you go, Harpic- the office is going open-plan.

A man sprays a bug in an organic foods shop.

"Martha and Lee are going to be doing our environmental hand-wringing."

"We’ve been told to cut the drugs budget so in future Louella here will be chanting away your pain."

"I'm only wearing one globe because the weather forecast said that toay it might be warm, but on the other hand it might be cold."

'...I expected a little more than... a sticky toffee with fluff on it.'

"Would you believe it, that pensions liberation plan was just an on-line scam..."

'America uses 20 million barrels of oil a day. Our profits are up, but is it sustainable? Will consumers run out of money?'

'This is the first hydrochloric factory to run on wind power'

This Junk Mail made from 75% Recycled Other Junk Mail.

Jesse Helms - US Senator.

'We should have bought the piano first, and built the igloo around it.'

"According to these calculations, you have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the afternoon."

"Could you deliver 500 pizzas over there at the sports shop? Just ask for Hank at the frisbee department."

"If you're worried about your retirement account, Ms. Mulvany, just read the crawl."

Texas - Home of Organic Free-Range Gas!

New HOSTILE Mortgage Company

'We've heard that you don't have a debt. Please come with us, sir, you're under arrest because of being an unpatriotic domestic demand saboteur.'

Prisoners escaping in bubbles.

Fisherman waiting with a mallet.

"I'm using sticky notes to identify areas in my life that can be improved. This one says I need five bucks to buy more sticky notes."

"Each to each, I always say! Share and share alike! I take pride in my cuisine, but at the same time I am willing to divvy up household chores with a wife. Say, a wife named Irma. That is, if Irma shares as breadwinner! I'll do the cooking! We'll split th

"And Boris caims all his spending plans will be financed by winnings on investing £1000 a week in Eurolottery tickets..."