Future Marketing Gurus Gifts

'After seeing about 20,000 commercials a year, I don't think I have any sales resistance at all.'

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

Target your customer.

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

Bob thinks his new neighbor may be bad for business.

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"Sales are up 38% since the name change."

A close shave on the Titanic...

Women's sportswear - Sale on paradigm shifts.

Your ad here!

Your Leaders Putting Words Into More Words

"Maybe we'd do better if we called ourselves 'baristas'."

Rudy, I've noticed your upsells have fallen drastically over the last 16 years. More and more, you just give customers what they ask for instead of pushing them to buy a larger cup, an extra cookie, or a 3-minute bathroom pass. That is unacceptable. So I've signed you up for my mandatory "How to Upsell" course and ordered you the reading material. Tuition fees will be deducted from your check. As your first lesson, I've upgraded you from the 2-week course to the 15-day one for just $50 extra. Ve

"Didn't you get the memo? The boss said he was bringing in some experts to help with the company's rebranding."

"Thanks to my cost-cutting policies, profits are up 59%."

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

'I don't get it... Our business model was exactly the same.'

'I think scroll sounds better than 'continuous media,''

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

"I think you'd make a persuasive salesman."

"In the marketplace of ideas, we may not have the best ideas, but we have the best marketing."

'Something that'll get me googled,'

The price or the biscuits?

New-Car Shopping with Arianna Huffington: 'She says if we give her a car, she'll give us exposure by driving it around.'

Top model

'It has undergone a thorough research programme. I've shown it to my wife and her sister.'

'Welcome to Reputation Makeover! Tonight, my team and I will try to repair the tattered reputations of those appearing on other reality shows!'

"Remember, you're selling home appliances, so look more ... dishwashery."

Media Darling.

"Our brand is about talking about our brand."