Future Lacrosse Legend Gifts

Runt! You'll never make the team. We'll see! You can't even tie your shoelace! Great technique!

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Football Fans

I can't decide. Should I go to soccer camp 3 weeks in a row? Or soccer, then baseball then lacrosse camp? 3 soccers. Isn't overspecializing at his age bad? Possibly. But 3 different sports means�buying 3 different sets of expensive equipment. Right, He does have a mean corner kick.

'Wow! That's some growth spurt!'

'I know I'm still in the Juniors, but I already need a therapist.'

'Anything is possible in our great country, son. If an Afro-American can become president, a white man can become a pro basketball player.'

Future Wrestler

'I won't bother to bath Mum, we're playing again tomorrow!'

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

'He'll be a great basketball player someday -- he already dribbles all over the place.

Kurt's good. Look at his family. His dad and mom really know how the game is played! They're his personal coach and videographer. As I said

Football Skills

'We're going to insist that he at least finish kindergarten before entering the NBA draft.'

Your counselor wants you to concentrate on one sport. Ok. Sports Camp. Which do you like best? Maybe baseball. Great. Or soccer or lacrosse. I'm proud of you, Teddy! You don't care about being the cool sports star! Ok. Then soccer.

What's this for? Screwing up my Lacrosse career. Slam! Are you ok, honey? Tough tryout. I thought they had already chosen the team. They have. Now they're determining the pecking order. Is Teddy's health care paid up?

Your mother and I don't think the weekend lacrosse league is a good idea, Teddy. Why not? Too much driving. But I ride the school bus home from practice all week! Exactly! Our favorite mass transit vehicle! I can't wait to get my license!

Boy holding football.

"Papi, will I be the first in our family to go to college?"

So which is it? Baseball or Lacrosse? For baseball, I've gotta get a glove, uniform and shoes, for about $200. For lacrosse, I need gloves, helmet, chest protector, uniform and stick, for $350. Hmm

'My long-range goal is to turn pro and lead the league in T.V. commercials!'

'Here's your chance to shine, son. Make me proud.'

"If I'm not in the Hall of Fame by 41 I'm getting induced."

'The teacher gave me a 'B' for coloring outside the lines. At this rate, I'll never get into Harvard!'

I worry that your camp concentrates too much on soccer. I'm ok, mom. Really. Specializing is bad for your joints and muscles. Chill, mom. I'm cross-training. Oh. I have very well-conditioned thumbs.

'...But my stupid parents said no!!'

"After lunch, we're just going to sit around and watch you guys play lacrosse."

"Congratulations, your baby is a footballer...!"

Teddy Tree is trying out for lacrosse. LOL! No way! That spazoid nerd? Hey! No one disses my little brother! Ok. Ok! Sorry! That's my job.

Why are you encouraging Teddy to play Lacrosse? Baseball is much calmer. Lacrosse totally exhausts him. Exactly! A tired boy is a harmless boy.

"That's so typical of men..."

As soon as I turn off the talking heads, I feel less anxious. Click. So, mom? Uh-oh. Cheesy smile alert. The lacrosse gloves I want are $140. I'm feeling anxious. Where's your off button?

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Native American Indian Lacrosse

No big deal, but coach is posting who made varsity today. Yawn! I can wait. Sports. Tap!

If you drive Teddy to school, you can calm him down about his lacrosse tryout. Will do. Thanks for the pep talk, dad. No problem. Fester School.