Aspiring Hockey Star Gifts

'I know I'm still in the Juniors, but I already need a therapist.'

'They all want to play the star.'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'Anything is possible in our great country, son. If an Afro-American can become president, a white man can become a pro basketball player.'

Mr. K's essay is such a drag! Yeah, but I've got to do really well. Twig! You're such a grind! Am not! Life isn't only about grades. I know! But he's directing the spring musical. And my singing won't get me the part all by itself! English: Gateway to the Grammys.

"Obviously, I can't fly like you, but if you teach me, I can probably sing like you..."

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Top Ten Hit

A scarecrow goalie

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

"Have a career, and then if you want to try acting, you'll have my blessing."

So close... Yet so far.

Thin Ice

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

"When I grow up, I want to be a Presidential impersonator on 'Saturday Night Live.'"

I'm trying out for the spring play. You'll be great! Ha! You'll be grateful to be an usher, Meryl Creep. Yeah. The good parts go to real actors. Sigh. The arts are sooo uplifting.

'I told you I'd make you a star.'

"When I grow up I'd like to model for a pasta company."

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up... Can I have your autograph please?'

'When I grow up, if I don't become a pro basketball player, about about 'spin doctor'?'

"To be honest, it just collects dust."

"If you work hard enough, and find the right reality show, you can grow up to be anything you want."

'While my guitar gently creeks.'

"I promised myself I would never let this happen to me."

I'm only a part-time waiter, I'm really an actor.

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

A panhandler with a sign that reads "I'll never work in this town again!".