Hockey Hopeful Gifts

'I'm going to try to be a pro hockey player. So, if I don't return, you'll know I made it, and you can take charge of the marketing department.'

There comes a point when you may have to admit the truth: you stink.

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy'. You in?"

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

'I know I'm still in the Juniors, but I already need a therapist.'

'I know the answer. I just need a moment to come to grips with it.'

'Anything is possible in our great country, son. If an Afro-American can become president, a white man can become a pro basketball player.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

Hollywood or bust!

A scarecrow goalie

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

Welcome to Hollywood

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

Live the Dream!

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

Thin Ice

"In this business the ball takes funny bounces. I got you a recording contract."

"Hear me out. Batman - again."

"I'm sorry. We don't want a ring-tailed lemur. We want a ring-tailed-lemur type."

"Sure, if this was New York, I'd be your editor and you'd be the author - but this is L.A., so I'm your agent and you're the whatever."

"That's enough therapy. From here on out, I think I could do a hell of a lot more for both of us as your agent."

"Wait a minute... You're not Warren Gurkenman the famous actor, but his stuntman?!"

Romney refines his platform.

"Well, Clive, what I REALLY want to do it wait on tables."

Oscar Victory