Hockey Hopeful Gifts

'I'm going to try to be a pro hockey player. So, if I don't return, you'll know I made it, and you can take charge of the marketing department.'

There comes a point when you may have to admit the truth: you stink.

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy'. You in?"

'I know I'm still in the Juniors, but I already need a therapist.'

'I know the answer. I just need a moment to come to grips with it.'

'Anything is possible in our great country, son. If an Afro-American can become president, a white man can become a pro basketball player.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

A scarecrow goalie

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

Hollywood or bust!

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

Welcome to Hollywood

"He's left a suicide screenplay."

'It's 'big office' meets 'poorly-received flop'!'

Live the Dream!

"In this business the ball takes funny bounces. I got you a recording contract."

Thin Ice

"I'm sorry. We don't want a ring-tailed lemur. We want a ring-tailed-lemur type."

"Wait a minute... You're not Warren Gurkenman the famous actor, but his stuntman?!"

"That's enough therapy. From here on out, I think I could do a hell of a lot more for both of us as your agent."

Romney refines his platform.

"Sure, if this was New York, I'd be your editor and you'd be the author - but this is L.A., so I'm your agent and you're the whatever."

"Well, Clive, what I REALLY want to do it wait on tables."

"Hallelujah, I'm a believer!"