Future Harvard Hopeful Gifts

"Papi, I need a cell phone."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

'I know I'm still in the Juniors, but I already need a therapist.'

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

I got into the college everyone wants to go to! Well played. It's the perfect fit for me! Way to go! Eco-Club. Which one is it? Dunno. Why do you care? So I don't apply there!

'But Marvin, you can't be a college graduate for a living!'

The bane of every college applicant: the admissions essay.

I'm freaking out! Thursday is dress rehearsal. Nerves? Work! I've got a math and history test on Friday. Why did I ever sign up for the spring musical? Because it's fun? West Fester High School. On my college application it'll look like I had fun. It'll go with your "Looks aren't important" essay.

Universidad

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

"My dad doesn't nag me enough about going to college."

'You're never going to follow me in my trade, Son - you may as well go to university.'

"Let's face it Simkins, the only way you'll ever get to medical school is by donating your body to science."

"Papi, will I be the first in our family to go to college?"

"Dad, I hold a professorship, in poetry at Harvard. I'm widely published. I'm well off. I'll retire in three years. The odds of me going into medicine at this point are slim to none."

"When you get to Uni be sure to let that hair down responsibly."

'Yale's my first choice but any ivy school will do.'

'I'm sorry but we don't have athletic scholarships for video games.'

"And you thought I couldn't find Hudson River views in your price range."

"I'm leaning towards NYU."

"It's all set. We both have enough credits to go to college."

'I told my teacher I won't be returning to school...'

"Mum, Dad, I've decided to go to University. I want to party for 5 years before I start work"

"That's Ruffles, our I.Q.-sniffing dog."

"If I'd lived back then, I would have signed it, too."

'Of course, that's just an estimate for your children's college costs.'

'The teacher gave me a 'B' for coloring outside the lines. At this rate, I'll never get into Harvard!'

'History keeps repeating itself.', 'You say that every four years.'

"We pigeons are proof in you can make it in NYC, you can make it anywhere."

"I think we'd better enjoy these table scraps while we can. . . I heard the older child say she wanted to go to college!"