Harvard Alum Gifts

"Dad, I hold a professorship, in poetry at Harvard. I'm widely published. I'm well off. I'll retire in three years. The odds of me going into medicine at this point are slim to none."

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

'But Marvin, you can't be a college graduate for a living!'

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

'Unfortunately our definition of 'job' differs.'

Graduate

"Thank you for your service."

'An MBA from Harvard is quite impressive. But you'll still have to start off at the bottom here. You start serving coffee in the cafeteria on Monday.'

Principal: 'Is THERE a DOCTORATE in the House?!'

No, it does still fit! This is exactly how it fit in college.

'Mom calls this a diary where you write private thoughts no one else can see. What fun is that?'

'Whoa! We sure blew that prediction!'

A Guide to Academic Gowns and Hoods

'Ms. Worden, please go to the library stacks and bring me a few education journals from the 70s. It seems everything old is new again.'

"It was a surprise. The college alumni solicitation letters never stop, even here!"

"Ogden, could you pull a string and get me one of those pictures of you naked at Yale?"

"Wow! Your dog really is smarter than an honor roll student!"

"I figure that by the time I’m 62, I’ll have no student-loan debt, then, who knows – maybe start a family."

Admit it! You're gonna miss High School. Best 5 1/2 Years of Your Life.

'Nice resume but graduating 'summa cum student loan' isn't really something to brag about.'

Their son was in a class of his own.

'I thought they told you that any donation, no matter how small, would be greatly appreciated.'

A teacher in mortar board and gown

"Hey! Mine is a list of debt counselors."

Grabbed By Gorilla

"Someone must have read about me in the financial pages. My college alumni fund in contacting me twice a week."

Big Student Loan Debt And Nobody Will Hire Me Because I'm Overqualified.

"Part of the old boy network?"

'I really miss Academia. She was such a great dog.'

Each one respresents another honor.

"'Customer care' involves more than reading the memo..."

"Sometimes I think we want this more than he does."

'I was wrong. I didn't think Gibson would make much use of his diploma.'