Harvard Alum Gifts

"Dad, I hold a professorship, in poetry at Harvard. I'm widely published. I'm well off. I'll retire in three years. The odds of me going into medicine at this point are slim to none."

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

'In conclusion, I hope you all go out there, get well-paying jobs, and give lots of tax-deductible gifts to our alumni fund.'

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

'But Marvin, you can't be a college graduate for a living!'

'Unfortunately our definition of 'job' differs.'

Graduate

"Thank you for your service."

'An MBA from Harvard is quite impressive. But you'll still have to start off at the bottom here. You start serving coffee in the cafeteria on Monday.'

Principal: 'Is THERE a DOCTORATE in the House?!'

'Mom calls this a diary where you write private thoughts no one else can see. What fun is that?'

'Whoa! We sure blew that prediction!'

A Guide to Academic Gowns and Hoods

'Ms. Worden, please go to the library stacks and bring me a few education journals from the 70s. It seems everything old is new again.'

"It was a surprise. The college alumni solicitation letters never stop, even here!"

"I figure that by the time I’m 62, I’ll have no student-loan debt, then, who knows – maybe start a family."

Admit it! You're gonna miss High School. Best 5 1/2 Years of Your Life.

"Wow! Your dog really is smarter than an honor roll student!"

"Ogden, could you pull a string and get me one of those pictures of you naked at Yale?"

'Nice resume but graduating 'summa cum student loan' isn't really something to brag about.'

'I thought they told you that any donation, no matter how small, would be greatly appreciated.'

Grabbed By Gorilla

A teacher in mortar board and gown

"Someone must have read about me in the financial pages. My college alumni fund in contacting me twice a week."

Big Student Loan Debt And Nobody Will Hire Me Because I'm Overqualified.

"'Customer care' involves more than reading the memo..."

Each one respresents another honor.

'I really miss Academia. She was such a great dog.'

"Part of the old boy network?"

"Sometimes I think we want this more than he does."

'I was wrong. I didn't think Gibson would make much use of his diploma.'

"You'll like this place: they play old skool house."