Furry Family Analyst Gifts

Knowing your place

Foster failure

"Bad dog."

Dogs

'He rides in the car with his head out the window a lot.'

Common Core Family Therapy

"I appreciate that you brought me to 'Take our daughters to work day' all those years ago, dad, but I still have to let you go!"

'Honestly, now that Tiger is neutered I'm perfectly happy just cuddling.'

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

Dogs Aren't/Are Just For Christmas

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

'A vet!! Take Princess to a vet?'

"He wants a second opinion."

'Okay, okay - is there anyone OTHER that the bride's mother who objects to this marriage?'

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

A boy and his spin patrol.

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

'I blame my parents, they never set me any standards worth rebelling against.'

Watchdog

Hairy dog looks the same both ends.

"Just because your mother devoured your siblings and not you didn't mean she valued you any less. She was just full."

"He's feeling neglected. Should we text him?"

"I can't hear you. Are you playing with the dog again?"

'Are you here, Alfred?'

'They sort of grow on you.'

"Let's talk about your overprotective mother."

"She's one of those bad mothers who say they're bad mothers but think they're good mothers."

'Where it asks, 'head of household'. . . who is it. . . you or Marmaduke?'

"Meet your new baby brother! We decided to upgrade."

"Don't fight us, Timmy. We have numerical superiority."

"Typical, you knew my mother was coming today, so you had to have a big meal to be torpid for a few days!"

"All it says is 'loyal and trustworthy friend', but that's not the real me."